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Transcript Of Commercials/Draft 12
Window: Wontkins: Help! Wilkins: Did you bring a glass of Frank’s Orange Nectar? Wontkins: No! (Wilkins hits Wontkins with the window, making him fall) Wilkins: Why don't you drop down to the store for some! (Wontkins hits the ground off-screen) Little Red Riding Hood: Wilkins: Grandma's Little Red Riding Hood with your Community Coffee! Wontkins: I'm the bad wolf and I just ate your grandma! Wilkins: Well have some Community to wash her down! Psychiatrist: Wilkins: I really love my Sani Sausages! Wontkins: You 'oughta see a psychiatrist! Wilkins: I did, that's who told me about Sani, Wilkins: I use to love my raincoat. Brand X: Wilkins: How about some delicious Sani Sausages? Wontkins: Nah, I'll have Brand X. (Wilkins has a brand with an X at the end of it, he burns Wontkins with it with a loud sizzle) Wontkins: Oooh, That's smarts! Did You Call?: Kermit: I wouldn't admit this if I wasn't alone but, I really do like Claussen’s Bread! Mack: Did you call? (Kermit gasps) Foot Down: Wilkins: Mr. Taystee says you gotta start eating Taystee Bread! Wontkins: and What if I don't? (Mr Taystee foot stomps Wontkins) Wilkins: Oh, he'll probably put his foot down. Best Coffee Is: Wontkins: After much research, I found that the best coffee is- (Wontkins is interrupted by a curtain with the Community Coffee logo on it) Wilkins: He was probably gonna say Community, but I couldn't take the chance! Why Not: Wilkins: If you like really good coffee, why don't you spend the extra money and get 2 bags of Community Coffee! Wontkins: Why not? Positive: Mack: Pepsi-Cola will really make a hit in your house! Kermit: Are you sure it will make a hit? (Mack hits Kermit with a mallet) Mack: Positive! Monster: Wilkins: Do you eat Dugan's Bread? Wontkins: No! (A monster comes to eats Wontkins) Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't eat Dugan's. Symbolic: Wilkins: Instant Chase and Sanborn Coffee is music to my ears! Wontkins: What are those cymbals for? (Wilkins hits Wontkins with the cymbals, a loud crash comes from the cymbals) Wilkins: This is a very symbolic commercial! Cheep Cheep: Wilkins: I have a tub of Leo's Ice Cream, and a tub of another kind. Wontkins: I want the cheap stuff! (The cheap tub of ice cream's lid opens with 2 birds) Birds: Cheep Cheep Cheep! Wilkins: Sorry, but that other ice cream's for the birds! Tunnel of Love: Wilkins: After this, would you buy me a tub of Leo's Ice Cream? Wontkins: No! (The boat goes into the tunnel, Wilkins throws Wontkins off the boat off-screen) Wilkins: I only go for a man who eats Leo's. Ship Christening: Wilkins: I christen thee! (Wilkins christens the ship with a bottle of Ribena) Wontkins: That bottle of blackcurrant concentrate, is it Ribena? Wilkins: Yeah! Wontkins: Thanks... (Wontkins and the ship sinks) William Tell: Wontkins: Okay William Tell, this better be good. Wilkins: Do you drink Nash's Coffee? Wontkins: No! (Wilkins shoots the bow and arrow) Wilkins: We can still use the apple again! Sleep: Wontkins: What do you mean Wilkins Decaffeinated Coffee lets you sleep? I'm awake! (Wilkins hits Wontkins with a mallet, Wontkins falls over and "sleeps") Wilkins: Like I said, Wilkins Decaffeinated Coffee lets you sleep!